“What a lovely morning fresh air, fresh water and fresh grass it couldn’t get any better”, my sister said laying on a mat reading a book.
“I know such an amazing view we are so lucky”, my little brother said with excitement.
Wait a second what is Rufus barking at, theirs no one around, theirs nothing in the water and theirs nothing near us that would scare him Rufus came back slowly with a bloodshot look in his eyes. He arrived and sat next to me with and incessant panting noise it was painful to listen to, what was there.
Eliza,
Your piece is effective because you shift the mood so clearly from idyllic to apprehensive, and leave me wondering—almost panting for more—LIKE RUFUS!
Keep writing.
Mrs. G., Team 100, Guilderland, NY, USA